A Tired Story

Norm, circa 1997

Today I went to purchase four tires for the Mazda. I had heard that Sam's Club had a good deal on tires. In fact I think I heard this from my brother-in-law, so Mary and I went there last night, and got a membership, and a few other items. Today was the day for the tires. I may bore you with the details, but I found the system fascinating.

First you go in the front door, and they stop you to make sure you have a card with your picture on it. Then you pick up a very large cart, since four tires don't fit well in the typical grocery cart. This cart is about the size of our motorhome, and navigating the aisles without knocking over little old ladies is difficult. When you get to the tire area there is a guy to help choose the right tires (thank goodness). After I have been talked into the tires he thinks I should have, he has to climb to the top tier of the rack to get the right tires. I put them on the cart and head back for the little old ladies. The cart and I get to the checkout, where I have to furnish a young lady with my Sam's card, and a Discover card. (They are pushing Discover and I am not sure they take any other cards.) After the transaction is complete I put the cards and my charge slip into my wallet and head out the door. Before I can get through the door with my cart full of tires two ladies descend on me, and request to see the charge slip. They count the tires and mark my slip with a yellow marker. They tell me this is to stop all the crooks and thieves from taking out merchandise that hasn't been paid for.

Outside I discover it is raining, as a trundle my tires to the car and fit them neatly into the trunk of the Mazda. (An ordinary trunk wouldn't hold them.) The next step is to drive around to the back of the building to the tire and battery shop. I check in, fill out two warranty forms, tell the guy the car is parked outside with the tires in the trunk. I give the keys to him and he says it will be about an hour. I ask how to get back into the store and he tells me to walk back around to the front of the building, since there is no door from the tire shop to the store. It is still raining, so I half run toward the front door, which is about a half-block away. The first door I come to is the newly opened liquor store, so I go in there and look for some good wine deals. None were to be found, so I duck back out into the rain again (there is no door from the liquor store to the main store either) and go back into the front door where the female mafia make me drag my card out again.

For the next 45 minutes I amuse myself playing with the video cameras, and the stereo systems. (Loud music sure carries in a big building like that.) I am having so much fun I hate to leave, besides I have to go past those ladies and I haven't bought anything. Fortunately they wave me through and I am back in the rain again.

Without getting too wet I make it back to the shop just as the guy is putting the tires back on the car. Within five minutes he is done, hands me my paperwork, and backs the car out the door.

On the way home I drive fast, drive slow, swerve from lane to lane, hit the brakes, and generally make a nuisance of myself on the freeway to see how the tires act. Everything seems great and I put the car in the garage with a feeling that maybe all the inconveniences were worth it. I get in the door, and Mary says the guy from the shop had called, and wanted to talk to me. It seems that I have a car out in the garage with eight tires. Four on the wheels and four in the trunk. He put someone else's tires on my car, and didn't notice it until he couldn't find the next customer's tires. The tires that fit my car are 185/70/14. On the car are four 205/70/14. He asked me if the tires were rubbing and I said no. I got a flashlight and looked, and the springs in the back are about 1/2 inch from touching the tire. Now I have to go back to good old Sam's, and give them back their tires, and have them put the trunk tires on.

All this because I listened to my brother-in-law.

A "tired old saying" for you...a tire in the trunk is worth two on the car.